tired

im tired of falling for people that i can never have.
i cant put up with this shit any more
it makes me feel so bad
it seems as if all i do is fall for the girl i can never have
why does life toy with me so
im almost about to let it go
people care and people dream
but my dreams apparently dont care about me
i never have seemed to make it better
i just get worse and worrse
sicker and sicker
life pisses me off when i get this way
i feel like im stupid
theres no reason behind it
why do i chase something that i cant see and probably isnt even there
its seems that the ones who actually care dont ever want to be with me
i always end up with the ones who treat me like shit
i guess no one will ever understand what its like to be me
i try to explain myself but they dont listen carefully
i end up making them confused
then they call me stupid
they ask me why i put myself through things like this
and i cant find an answer why
i really am sick of this
these times when im behind
i tell people i love them
but they dont look in my eyes
and if they did they would see that when i say i love you i mean it
but it almost as if noone cares cuz i want the ones who do care
and i feel like im bothering them with my problems
like they dont have any of their own
maybe i am selfish
maybe im alone
so alone in fact that i make up fantasies
about the people that would never be with me
and that makes me feel so sick
i cant stand this pain
it really sucks dick
i fall for my bestfriends because they give a shit about me
but none of them ever want me they only see me as a friend
and then im devastated
and im right back at the end
then i have to work my way up and im tired of that
it seems this world is so fucked up that i cant live in it
but i cannot kill myself for that would just be wrong
but i cant stand this pain in life
especially when its for nothing
when i get hurt by someone i knew wouldnt be with me in the first place
no one ever really see's that side of me i hold deep
i try to show it but they dont get it
so i hide it away
one day soon
i hope she will find me
cuz im tired of living my life in misery
i just wish somebody would understand what i go through
and my plans
but no one ever takes the time to see how nice i am
they all think im a loser
but thats ok
i know im stupid
i do stupid shit for stupid reasons then i put myself down
but no one ever makes me feel special
atleast not in this town
all i ask is to be loved and to love them back
i could give them everything that they ever ask
but it doesnt seem this life wants me to love
anyone ever again