the philosophy
well i finally figured it out. no woman will ever understand how i feel because no woman is really ever alone, there is always some guy who wants that girl. that is a feeling of security because even if the girl doesnt want to be with that person she always knows that he's there and willing. i on the other hand dont have anything like that i have friends bestfriends acquaintances but no one to love and no one who even looks at me like that. when i say im alone i mean it. no one ever asks me if im allright or if anythings wrong. no one comes over just to hang out with me and not smoke weed or do something. ive been sitting in a hole a thousand feet deep for months now and no one even seems to have noticed anything wrong with me. it just shows that no one is watching me. i want to believe that somewhere out there there is someone who is thinking about me, but its highly unprobable. im tired of feeling like i have no where to go , i need someone to push me harder and in the right direction. i keep getting worse falling deeper into depression and drug abuse. i have nothing to live for but dreams and hopes of music and love. i wish for what you see in movies someone so beautiful so amazing someone who changes everything about the person you are but then actually changes nothing about you. thats what i live on wishes hopes dreams. is that foolish, maybe but how else do you live life. im sick and tired of having nothing but myself a guitar and my dreams. im tired of waiting for something im not sure i will ever have but i keep trying and end up hurting myself even more. im not the type of person to shut themselves down and not say what they feel but im getting pretty damn close to reaching the edge and shutting down. ive prayed everyday for the past 2 years for someone to save me and i still need saving. maybe im supposed to drown, deep in myself.
*this is just how i feel please take no heed and dont think of it as whining i need an outlet and atleast this way people can stumble upon it by accident and maybe learn from it or agree with it.
posted by shortedaman @ 12/26/2005 05:02:00 PM
5 Comments:
I love you jensen!!!!!!
"it just shows that no one is watching me. i want to believe that somewhere out there there is someone who is thinking about me, but its highly unprobable"
ya may wanna think that part over-
even when things feel like you're in complete darkness, there is always a light...even if its just a small one.
take joy in the little light you have & cherrish it.
it will help you through the ongoing darkness.
depression is all perspective.
stop thinking so negative
..i know ive said it before
There is someone that thinks about you, even if its not in the way intended, atleast they care about you. ...i know them personally.
yea many people care, but thats not what i lack or need. im still missing that one thing. c no one will get it
love is all i ask and all i search for
i need it to keep me sane, im a lost lover and lost without love. they seem to cancel each other out. no one sees me. nobody knows me, nobody seems to want to know either. i fight a battle inside my head that no one sees, thats why i write it here... one day some one will get it. till then im nothing.
oh yea and i know there is still light cause obviously im not dead but that is blurred from my eyes. i know one day the light will come but its the lonliness that gets me, im so lonely but never alone.
i dont have it either..but i've been so long without it that my hearts built up a wall that it seems like no one can break down
it seems selfish of me, i think. but i cant help it.
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