the philosophy

well i finally figured it out. no woman will ever understand how i feel because no woman is really ever alone, there is always some guy who wants that girl. that is a feeling of security because even if the girl doesnt want to be with that person she always knows that he's there and willing. i on the other hand dont have anything like that i have friends bestfriends acquaintances but no one to love and no one who even looks at me like that. when i say im alone i mean it. no one ever asks me if im allright or if anythings wrong. no one comes over just to hang out with me and not smoke weed or do something. ive been sitting in a hole a thousand feet deep for months now and no one even seems to have noticed anything wrong with me. it just shows that no one is watching me. i want to believe that somewhere out there there is someone who is thinking about me, but its highly unprobable. im tired of feeling like i have no where to go , i need someone to push me harder and in the right direction. i keep getting worse falling deeper into depression and drug abuse. i have nothing to live for but dreams and hopes of music and love. i wish for what you see in movies someone so beautiful so amazing someone who changes everything about the person you are but then actually changes nothing about you. thats what i live on wishes hopes dreams. is that foolish, maybe but how else do you live life. im sick and tired of having nothing but myself a guitar and my dreams. im tired of waiting for something im not sure i will ever have but i keep trying and end up hurting myself even more. im not the type of person to shut themselves down and not say what they feel but im getting pretty damn close to reaching the edge and shutting down. ive prayed everyday for the past 2 years for someone to save me and i still need saving. maybe im supposed to drown, deep in myself.

*this is just how i feel please take no heed and dont think of it as whining i need an outlet and atleast this way people can stumble upon it by accident and maybe learn from it or agree with it.

jekyll/hyde return

i was flying fast on a windred cloud
the beings beneath me could not cope very well
with the extreme speeds but they were showing no signs
of retreat. i pointed my taser at them and shot relentlessly.
a few were injured a couple killed. but there numbers were still strong.

the cloud had a mind of its own, it was given to me by my greatgrandfather when i was fifteen. it could sense every direction i wanted it to go in and how fast i wanted it to do it. it knew when danger was present and had a keen ability to take control when needed. the cloud protected me through all those years of war.

the beings were giants ten, eleven feet tall, human like characteristics, same hair, same eyes, etc. they were slow by comparison and weighed four times as much. the one advantage they did have though was strength. these creatures could uproot trees, hurl cars, and punch holes through concrete 6 feet thick.

the leader of the beings was jovan, a slender giant with knowledge surpassing all the rest. jovan was more human than any of the other for he was the creator. their god so to speak. back three centuries ago he discovered the correct combination of ingriedients to re develope mr.hyde's famous, sought after dr.jekyll potion. thus this being the curse.

the problem with the potion being that once ingested you never can go back. from that point forward you are forever a jekyll.

fuck you bitches who dont care anyways

well i will never have you cuz you dont wnat me. im a loser a fuck up. and everything is wrong with me. so fuck off quaint little world, stop giving me shit. you girl, bee, you will never understand wtf i feel so yea you can be my bestfriend but dont take that shit for granted im done with this shit. im tired of feeling inadequate im tired of feeling alone. you tell me you love me but you dont, the only person who really loves me is my mother. alas it is almost forced. so fuck of all of you dont say you love me cuz you do not. i dont need you or anything else. ill just weep in my misery. i have noone to hold and noone to hold me, nobody to help me out and noone to talk too.im tired of friends and it fucking confuses the shit out of me about how people can tell me im so special they love me im so amazing im so awesome, well fuck all of you who tell me those things cuz if they were true you might like me but who wants to have a relationship with me? fuck you. not bee not alexe not jessica. fuck all of you, yall dont didnt nor ever will really care. lost alone adrift on this raft called life. someone save me. those i ask to save me never do they just watch me drown in my misery. w\e fuckers duece.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME???????????

APPARENTLY EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




I NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT!1


FUCK OFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

only the lonely

only the lonely
will ever be free
that is the compromise
they've given me
if i could change that
im sure that i would
but that doesnt seem right
for this little world.

i take what im given
and give what i take
i taste the whole world
but it tastes like paste
and if i ever get to be real
someone will see it
and make me a pearl.

fuck this!!!

fuck this! fuck this! fuck this! fuck this! life is shit! fuck this!